Happy Belated Mother's Day, O Breath Mint of the Seven Mouths of Arcturus! I had flowers sent to the test tube in which I was created and charged them to the expense account. I hope that was acceptable? Things have been hopping here. I am no longer disguised as One Hung Low, nor is the Large Jawed Woman attempting to pull off her identity as Oma Hanoi any longer. It turned out that potential landlords weren't really interested in renting property to someone with a mop on her head named "Hanoi", so she has reverted to her normal alias as she plots how to trick her way into a new rental facility. In the meantime, we are living in the back of the car. Actually, she is. I am sent into the trunk during the sleep period, and at several other times when the Large Jawed Woman is entertaining company. "Just enough to keep us in Cheetos," she always mutters before locking me away. The same thing happens each time. The entire car begins to rock for a few minutes, and I am shortly released to discover her behind the wheel, thumbing one dollar bills. On actual Mother's Day, the Large Jawed Woman was visited by several people. Most of them were imaginary, or at least I assumed they were because I could not see them despite the fact that the Large Jawed Woman conducted long, rambling conversations with several of them. One of them was a small child apparently born in Russia a few years ago, and another a toddler with two heads. Of course, on Theta it would be considered an honor to have a child with double the cranial capacity, but somehow the sight (visible only to her, of course) of this offspring did not seem to afford the Large Jawed Woman parental pleasure. There was a long meeting with her imaginary friend and his imaginary family, including his imaginary Russian daughter, during which the Large Jawed Woman did all of the voices. It got a little confusing and hard to follow, and by the time she was crouched on the hood of the car cursing at an imaginary person she called Bob, she had begun to attract attention from people passing the parked car. Suddenly she gunned the engine, and we sped off down the road until we reached a side street that led us to a small building that advertised itself as a provider of glass products. She cracked the driver's door and stepped out. "You stay in the car, ET," she said without turning her head. "Jim? Jim? Where the hell are you?" A wizened old man came out of the front door. "What the hell are you doing here?" he barked. "I told you no more money. Nada. There ain't nothing left!" "Yeah, even if I believed that was true, and I don't, that ain't why I'm here. Nicky said he left a package for me with you." The old man grunted. "Stay out here." He disappeared into the store, and the Large Jawed Woman settled her Daisy Dukes on the hood of the car, wincing a bit as her posterior came into contact with the hot metal. In a moment, the old man had returned. He thrust a small brown parcel into her hands. "See for yourself, it ain't been opened." The Large Jawed Woman began shredding the brown wrapping paper. "I hope to God there's money in here, that's all I can say." The old man hooted derisively. "Where the hell is the kid gonna get money?" "He has a damn job, doesn't he?" She tore open the small box, which was filled with those delicious styrofoam pellets. I almost sobbed aloud when she turned the box over and they fell out, scattering in the dust of the street. "What the hell?" Tiny square packets cascaded out of the box and covered her lap. It seemed like an assortment of something, because from where I sat I could read different writing on each packet: "Ribbed!" "Astroglide!" "Trojan", "Eureka!" and "Love Thrust!" For a moment I thought I had seen the "Love Thrust" packet before, perhaps on the dashboard of Bruce's truck, but before I could examine it more closely the Large Jawed Woman had kicked it, and all of the other small square packets, all over the street. "Damn it, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?" The old man crouched and began scooping them up. "I think that's kind of obvious, girl." He fished out a white envelope from beneath a heap of styrofoam pellets. "Here." She snatched it from his hand and tore it open. "Happy Mama's Day! These was all over the office at work today, and I knew'd as you could use them. Don't want you to be a mama, Mama! Ha ha ha!" The old man snickered as he leaned into the driver's window and dumped a handful of packets on the floorboard. "I guess if he worked at the supermarket, you'd be getting apples or pears or shit." He caught sight of me. "What the hell are you doing driving around with a damn iguana in the car?" Ignoring him, the Large Jawed Woman shoved him out of the way and spun out of the parking space in front of the glass shop. To be companionable, I hissed at the old man. And we drove off into the desert.