Greetings, O Bejeweled Truss of the Hosts of Horvath! It is I, your faithful minion and soon-to-be star in Stephen Spielburg's latest opus, Forever Palmdale: The Life and Adventures of the Large-Jawed Woman. Well, to tell the truth, perhaps "star" is an overstatement. I actually am only featured in one scene as a houseplant, but I am integral to the plot! The character based on the Large-Jawed Woman is just about to water me when she notices that a crystal meth fire has broken out in the kitchen, and she throws the water meant for me onto the fire! It's very exciting! And while I'm not making much money, Mr. Spielburg has been really good about keeping me supplied with those Styrofoam pellets you know I love. It's kind of hard on the poor old lady playing the Large-Jawed Woman, though. Some how the real Large-Jawed Woman found out about the picture, and Mr. Speilburg lets her come on set and watch just to shut her up. In the beginning she was upset because she wasn't playing herself, but Mr. Speilburg had to tell her that she just photographed too old to credibly play a 50 year old woman. As far as I can tell, the film is a sort of hommage (that's French, Your Spiffiness, you know, what they speak on our home planet where we come from!) to a movie about Margaret Thatcher where Merrill Streap played her as an old lady and they told it in flashbacks! I think the real problem with the Large-Jawed Woman was that whenever they started the camera rolling she did weird things. Like once she lit a small fire out of Mr. Spielburg's director's chair and started jumping over it and waving to people, once she took off all of her clothes and lay on the floor with her back arched, and there was a really unfortunate moment when we were filming outdoors on location next to a large rock. The crew is still talking about that! But it turns out that the reason the Large-Jawed Woman is following us around is because she doesn't feel safe at her house. Apparently something called a "process server" is making her life miserable. Of course, another reason is the meal cart. Mr. Spielburg is on kind of a limited budge with Forever Palmdale, so all there really is on the cart are snacks, but the Large-Jawed Woman manages to eat her weight in onion dip every day. It's kind of sad. At one point the guy manning cart asked her for a couple of bucks to kick into the general Snack Fund, and the Large-Jawed Woman just managed to say "I'm bankrupt, dude!" around a masticated lump of Fritos. Then she goes back to criticizing the actor playing her in the movie. I have to say, she really kind of looks like the Large-Jawed Woman after they pad her up a bit. I think she was on Terran Television awhile back. Minion Bronson introduced me to her (he's the guy manning the food cart. Is he still working for us?)Her name is Rosann something. Oops, I am needed on set. It turns out that there is a crystal-meth-sets-the-kitchen-on-fire scene in every flashback!