It's been a hectic few days, O Hot Sauce of the Divine Enchiladas of Tiajuana IV! The Large-Jawed Woman suffered a colossal accident in the kitchen while cooking some of her medicine. I am afraid that yet another kitchen in one of her domiciles has succumbed to flames, but this time she herself and the elderly man known as "Jim" also suffered a certain amount of structural damage. Let me recapitulate. "Jim" arrived on the morning of the 23rd, as the Terrans Californians reckon the passage of time. He was nattily dressed, I must say, wearing a lovely shade of mint green in a style that is affected by the aristocracy of this world state, as the Large-Jawed Woman immediately said, "You're going to wear a leisure suit to the court?" (No doubt a planned visit to a local potentate!) "Jim" just grunted and tossed a small sack onto the battered pressed-wood end table. "It's the best I got, sweet cheeks, so put a sock in it and get cooking." The Large-Jawed Woman paused as though she wanted to say something, but then shrugged and twirled. "What do you think of my outfit?" Have I mentioned that she was able to find a white ensemboolay at the "Gently Used Scrubs" place a few blocks from here? She came home and drew a large design with a Sharpie on the front and then wrote the word "Urfy" underneath it. "Jim" squinted at it, but his eyes widened at the sight of her lime-green sneakers. "What the hell are those things?" At this, the Large-Jawed Woman's expression changed to one of extreme haughtiness. "Vogue says you should always have a splash of color!" "Yeah, right," "Jim" said. "How about you go out into the kitchen and cook up a splash of the good shit?" He sniffed a bit. "You been eatin' beans, honey?" "Yeah, sorry about that," the Large-Jawed Woman said brightly. "I may have overdone it a bit." "A bit? It smells like crap in here!" The Large-Jawed Woman suddenly giggled. "He who smelt it dealt it!" At this they both began to snicker, until the Large-Jawed Woman "let one rip", as I have heard her refer to the eructations from her posterior orifice. At that the two of them started laughing uproariously as they made their way to the kitchen. I could hear them turning on the stove --- "How the hell did you manage to pay the bill?" --- and then for a few minutes there were the usual clinks and bubbling noises as the Large-Jawed Woman began cooking up "the good shit." I returned to watching the televised entertainment. Just as Minion Maury Povitch was revealing that the sullen youth was in fact the Babydaddy, I heard the Large-Jawed Woman swear in the kitchen. "Shit, the stove went out! Get me a match, "Jim"!" The next moment, I heard the sound of a match striking simultaneously with her "letting one rip"! Mercy, O Onion Blossom of the Gods! Apparently the sudden contact of flame with methane ignited, causing the "good shit" to EXPLODE!!!! The next thing I knew, the Large-Jawed Woman and "Jim" were blown into the living room! The Large-Jawed Woman's eyebrows were on fire as she hurtled past me and smashed into the televising device, completely eradicating Minion Maury's face as the device perished in a welter of plastic and electricity! "Jim" bounced a couple of times before he rolled under the rug, which fortunately extinguished the burning fibers of his leisure suit. I upended the bottle of Sprite I was drinking onto "Jim", putting out the last lingering embers. Needless to say, they were not happy. "Jim" managed to pull her head out of the televising device, but their clothes were ruined. "Supreme Deity damn it," "Jim shouted, "you done went and did it again!" "Never mind that now," the Large-Jawed Woman yelled back. "What the hell am I gonna do about going to court? Look at me! My ensemboolay is trashed, and I have no damn eyebrows!" "So what? Look at me!" "You don't have to face the paparazzi like do!" There was a moment while the two of them regarded each other with (literally) smoldering looks. Finally the Large-Jawed Woman strode into her bedroom, only to return with an armful of clothing. "Here, you gotta go to court without me. Put this on." "What the hell?" "Jim" held up a pair of her shorts, you know the ones I have referred to as "Daisy Dukes", Your Suavity? "I ain't wearing this." "It's all I got, now shuck out of that suit and climb into them. And this." The Large-Jawed Woman held up an imprinted t-shirt. "It was Imperial's." What are Teen-Aged Mutant Ninja Turtles, O Glory of Theta? By now, "Jim" had unhappily clothed himself in the garments provided, and stood miserably in front of her. The shorts were a little big for him, so the crack of his globlak was showing in the back despite his frequent efforts to hitch them up. The Large-Jawed Woman kicked off her lime-green footwear. "Put 'em on." He did so. "Alright, you look . . . " Even she could not say that "Jim" looked good, so she simply pursed her lips. "It'll have to do." "How the hell am I going to explain you not coming with me?" "Jim" demanded truculently. In answer, the Large-Jawed Woman yanked a box out of the closet and began rummaging through it. There were letterheads from everywhere, including a televising device network and numerous hospitals. The Large-Jawed Woman scribbled a few words on a sheet with a hospital letterhead and thrust it into "Jim's" hands. He glanced at it. "Not again! No one is going to believe this shit again!" "Sure they will. They always do. Now git!" The Large-Jawed Woman opened the front door to the domicile and propelled "Jim" out of the room. "When you get home, Momma will have a batch of the good shit all ready and waitin'!" I heard a few grumbles from outside, and then she slammed the door. She leaned her forehead against the back of the door. "Oh Lord, it ain't easy bein' me." "Or even being around you," I offered helpfully.