https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewxmv2tyeRs





Meanwhile, the Large Jawed Woman sings this over and over in front of this image. Any help you can give your most unworthy minion from the Home Data Banks will be most appreciated, O Support Hose for the Varicose Veins of the Elder Gods.

Greetings, O Inflated Left Rump Cheek of the Gods of Theta!

It is I, the most unworthy of your minions! Well, it has been a busy week here at Outpost Large Jaw. Minion Bruce and I were forced to accompany the Large Jawed Woman to scores of hospitals and doctors before the cause of her most recent physical ailment could be invented discovered. However, lest Your Amplitude worry that Bruce and I are not getting enough fresh air, I am happy to report that we also accompanied the Large Jawed Woman on her frequent expeditions on rolling shoes, doing our best to fit in with the colorfully dressed natives. It is truly heartening to see that in the mornings the Large Jawed Woman views herself on the verge of life function cessation as she visits medical purveyors, and yet as soon as she leaves the buildings in which they are housed, she scampers like a bug along the boardwalk. Praise the Infinite Lords of Theta! She herself gives credence to other deities such as Minion Donald Trump, but I know that at some point Tom Cruze will reveal himself to the Large Jawed Woman. And vice-versa, of course.



As you can see, Bruce was more successful than I, as he is already a native Terran Californian, although I did get several offers based solely upon my headgear. I also racked up a number of comments along the lines of "work it, gurrrrl! Work that Xanadu thing!" I am not sure what they meant, but Bruce assured me that it was quite complimentary.

Meanwhile, the Large Jawed Woman has been busy funneling large bottles of Bayer aspiring that she secretes in her pockets when we visit local drugstores into small prescription bottles that she flourishes at natives while simultaneously telling them that her head is about to explode from a combination of pain and bitter memories.

It is I, O Water Pik of the Divine Dental Gods of Theta! We remain upon minion duty with the Large-Jawed Woman, although Glen/Glenda grows increasingly restive with the responsibility. However, he/she has made enormous progress with the native language, and is now able to fluently demand that we "blow this popsicle stand". This is not a phrase I understand completely, O Grand Shovel, but I think it may be a reference to the relative squalor of our surroundings. Glen/Glenda was somewhat less than impressed with the Oscar Party the Large-Jawed Woman threw, and indeed became quite ill after ingesting something called Spam covered with a cheese-like spread that emerged from a spray-can. Meanwhile, the Large-Jawed Woman is deep in some sort of literary enterprise. This consists of hours spent hunched over her computing device. While she types, she frequently sings a song to herself about what a friend she has in someone called Jebus. Periodically she stands, and according my own computations of the irgluk, the Large-Jawed Woman bows in the direction of the capital of the Terran European nation known as Russia and chants thanks to people she refers to as the Oldest of Her Belief System. The Large-Jawed Woman also seems convinced that someone named Vlad has abandoned his position as Fearless Leader of this state, and is on his way to be by her side with enough money to actually finance a flatscreen tale concerning one of his predecessors. The Main Squeeze is getting a little miffed with the Large-Jawed Woman, I must say, and constantly tells her to try and get her oars deeper into the water, whatever that may mean.

Minion Bruce is constantly out trying to recruit new minions, O Turkish Delight, and gives a different candidate what he calls his "deluxe fitness examination" almost every night. None have passed that Glen/Glenda and I can tell, as we can hear their screams and moans of frustration piercing the still desert air. At least we think it's frustration, although Minion Bruce seems happy enough in the morning.

Your faithful Minion, Illuminati

So the Large-Jawed Woman wasn't invited to the Oscars, but there was an enigmatic after-party, O Lord of the Nose Hairs of Theta! "Glenda" and I attended, wearing festive native attire to blend in. It wasn't very interesting, although the Large-Jawed Woman did do a lot of sputtering about how the "gays" (whatever those are) control Hollywood, and have stopped her career from happening. Minion Bruce said that the Large-Jawed Woman is full of it, and that the "gays" (whatever those are) could have only helped the Large-Jawed Woman by steering her away from what he called "questionable fashion choices" (whatever those are). Anyhow, O Heterosexual of Heterosexuals, here are some photos from the after party given by the Large-Jawed Woman.

I provided some music with a Terran instrument. "Glenda" also donned a matching outfit, but we made the mistake of not going formal, as you can see from the pictures of the Large-Jawed Woman's Main Squeeze, who changed from his normal daily attire into something Oscar-worthy. The Large-Jawed Woman wore a matching outfit, but wasn't quite finished with her hair when the paparazzi arrived, so she also posed for a headshot later. And finally, there is a picture of the table spread! It was some party!

O Mighty Shovel, it is I, your unworthy Minion! The Old Man came by today to pick up the Large-Jawed Woman to take her to the Terran Bureau of Investigation! The Large-Jawed Woman is currently attempting to convince people of her Native-to-this-continent background (Minion Bruce's theory is that she thinks it will gain her legal immunity as a documented member of is referred to as another "nation", or more likely, they are planning to knock over a casino on the way home). Either way, she forced him to match her attire and makeup.

As "Glenda" says, it is certainly never boring on this assignment.

We're not entirely sure they know what they are doing. On the other hand, the Large-Jawed Woman's dress did jingle.

Bruce wanted me to be sure that I posted his picture too!