Greetings, O Caraway Seed on the Rye Bread of the Lords of Theta! It is I, your humble Minion. I have returned to duty as the monitor of the Large-Jawed Woman as per your instructions, but I have to tell you, O Mocha Latte Delight of the Orbs, I am really going to miss the assignment following Charlie Sheen around. It was a lot more normal than hanging out with You Know Who. We are currently domiciled in a somewhat small cardboard box just behind the convenience store on the coner of Ventura and Vine, the better to access the comestibles which she craves so much. You know the ones I mean, with the day-glo orange dust sprinkled atop them? IMPORTANT UPDATE, YOUR NEW AND IMPROVEDNESS!!! As I beam this transmission in your direction, Your Creamy Smoothness, the Large-Jawed Woman is crouched under the kitchen table typing away. Her fury knows no bounds these days, O Master of Marzipan! She is now forced to share domicile quarters with what she refers to as her "Main Squeeze", but for some reason she thinks there are many others here as well. No one but the Large-Jawed Woman can actually see the others, but I frequently watch as she stands in front of the large self-portrait that hangs in the living room and lectures invisible throngs: "Notice the delicate tracery on the bodice, y'all. That's real polyester lace made by blind Russian Orthodox nuns at the Monastery of St. Vladimir the Drooler! And that there is Eyetalian beadwork on the fancy earbobs Ah'm a-wearin'!" One day one of the invisible Terrans must have asked her the wrong question, O Grommet on the Shoelaces of the Gods, because she just snapped, "No, I was never a guy, you little bastard!" Anyway, we do that a few times a day, and then she rearranges the sofa and Barcalounger in the back yard before she finally settles down to write under the kitchen table. Once she updates her blog about a hundred times, she gets all dreamy and murmurs about how she is now walking on the deck of an ocean liner. We saw one the other day in the town called Santa Monica, but the Large-Jawed Woman couldn't afford the entrance fee to visit the large transportation device. Anyway, the Large-Jawed Woman got all excited at the sight of the ship, and told her Main Squeeze that she had a new better idea. She is now writing a screenplay called "As A Matter of Tugboats", and she is going to star as Queen Mary! The monarch, not the boat! But it is going to enable her to launch a new scam foundation to raise money to restore the Queen Mary to her former glory! Or maybe even move a foot away from the dock. Or possibly restore one of the restroom areas in the bottom hold. She is planning to host a large reception for important donors, and has already sent out copies of the menu! As she told the Main Squeeze, "Mama's back, bitches!" See what I mean about life with Charlie Sheen being calmer? Your obedient and faithful minion, Illuminati