Saturday, July 2, 2011

Forgive your unworthy minion for being out of touch for the past few weeks, O Proboscis of Theta, but honestly, I have been all over the place!
As you may recall, I had trailed the wine man to the restaurant, where we discovered the large-jawed woman working undercover as a conveyer of comestibles to tables. After the small incident that resulted in the utter destruction of the dining establishment by customers angry because the large-jawed woman had refused to bring them the napkins they had asked for, she managed to elude me once again. Fortunately, I was able to pick up the trail of the wine man, and was able to follow him back to the city of Austin. Once more I occupied the bushes in front of his domicile, thinking that sooner or later the large-jawed woman would turn up. And she did, Your Magnificence! She did!
A few Terran cycles later, the wine man and his friend left their domicile and drove to a large building with the word “Justice” chiseled over it. I had cleverly disguised myself as a waste paper basket, and by extreme effort and the help of a very nice janitor named Juan, I was able to placed in the room where “Justice” is dispensed. Imagine my surprise when I realized that not only the wine man and his friend were present, but the large-jawed woman as well! The poor large-jawed woman looked terrible, dark circles under her eyes, and hair that for some reason now had two distinct color shades! I do not know if this is something that happens to all Terran females, but I have noticed that in some of them there is a new color that appears closer to their scalp for a few days. Then it goes away. But this time the new color had occupied more than half of the large-jawed woman’s head!
It seems that the Terran in the black robe (just like yours, Your Stylishness!) was there in order to ascertain whether the large-jawed woman owed the friend of the wine man money. It turns out that she does, to the tune of $15,000 in Terran currency (that is 11 orvaks in our terms, Your Parsimoniousness, or roughly 150 times my annual salary). The black-robed Terran looked a little bored and then he hit the top of his desk with a gavel and told the large-jawed woman that she did indeed owe currency to the friend of the wine man. He just looked very tired. The large-jawed woman admitted that she did, and the judge left them to work out the details of payment.

This is when it really started to get interesting, Your Infinitude, but I was distracted for a moment when the seedy lookingTerran with the large-jawed woman dropped a wad of chewing tobacco into me. By the time I got clear of the mess, the situation had deteriorated. The large-jawed woman had agreed to pay the friend of the wine man (he still just looked tired), but the wine man himself was refusing to believe that she ever would because “she has done this over and over” and her word isn’t worth anything, which I didn’t understand, because what he wanted was her money, not her word. His eyes flashed and his appendages convulsed as the large-jawed woman began squeaking at him that she was “good for it”, whatever that meant! Behind me I heard a really well-dressed Terran female say “in the schmatta she’s wearing she doesn’t look good for cab fare, Nitzi!”, but I don’t know what meant either! The wine man began shouting that the large-jawed woman was a thief and a liar!!!! Each time he said something, the well-dressed female would say “from your mouth to God’s ear, Rob!” and the large-jawed woman would squeak louder. Her seedy friend was so nervous that he swallowed his next plug of chewing tobacco and ran from the room!
But in the end it all seemed to get calmer. The large-jawed woman promised to pay the wine man’s friend the money that she owed him, and slipped from the courtroom,. The seedy man had been in the hallway with the wine man because the wine man’s eyes had flashed and his appendages had convulsed loud enough for the judge to ask him to leave the room. So it all seemed like it was settled.

But it wasn’t, Your Persnickytiness! I slithered under the chairs in the courtroom and trailed the large-jawed woman down the shaft by attaching myself to the roof of the elevator device. From there it was a simple trip to the airport affixed to the back of her rental car!