Monday, August 5, 2013

Greetings, Your Shake 'n' Bakeyness! It is I, your faithful minion and soon to be direct-to-video film star! We have finished shooting Forever Palmdale at last, and if I do say so myself, I think Mr. Spielburg may have discovered unknown talents within me, which is kind of coincidentally what Bruce used to say, too. There's talk of a sequel! The working title is Beyond Burbank --- Large Jawed Woman II, Electric Boogaloo! , but Mr. S. says we have to wait and see how we do against Smurfs 2 next weekend, but he's not worried. Anyway, on the last day of the shoot the Large Jawed Woman and Minion Bronson kind of got into a little bit of a food fight. Honestly, I don't mean to tattle on another minion, but it was really his fault. He tried to pry her hands off a donut, and he knows better than to get between the Large Jawed Woman and sugared comestibles. The next thing he knew, she had yanked him across the food cart and smashed his face into the onion dip. By the time that the grips were able to pull her off him, poor minion Bronson's face mask had slipped a little bit, so to protect his identity he stuck his head into the Frito bowl until it was covered with delicious corn treats, then took off running as fast as his multiple legs would carry him. Now that the movie is over, they've closed down the concession cart, so the Large Jawed Woman has returned to our latest hideout domestic residence. I'm a little worried about her. She's back to spending hours at the computer, talking to herself in different voices. I know, same old, same old, but she has also tacked a photograph of some bare-chested bald guy on horseback to the wall. She'll stare at it for hours, muttering things like "I'll be with you soon!" and "Oppress the gays for me, my love!" Any instructions? Your faithful minion, Illuminati