Greetings, O Conduit of the Lubricants of the Nine Steps of LaMaze! It is I, your very, very tired minion, Illuminati.

Well, the Large-Jawed Woman calmed down, after ingesting a small snack.

Then she decided to go out for the evening.

The first outfit didn't seem flattering enough (her Elderly Friend just kept saying "more tits, toots!"). So she changed.

Then she fed the dogs. You can sort of tell the animals belong to the Large-Jawed Woman. You know what they say about humans and their pets, how after awhile they begin to resemble each other? If you look carefully, O Divine Afflatus, you will see what I mean.

But then the Boyfriend arrived home and told the Large-Jawed Woman that she "looked like a two-bit hooker in a four-bit neighborhood", a phrase I do not understand, but the Large-Jawed Woman retreated into the domicile and changed yet again.

By now Minion Wannabe Bruce was getting tired, so I relieved him for the night.

He just kept muttering this.

Off we go for a "night on the town". I am hiding in the back of the truck in the upholstered chair the Boyfriend keeps there for the Elderly Friend, who decided not to accompany them. The last thing I heard before sending this transmission was "Yeehaaaaah! Palmdale, lock up yer pets!"

Your faithful minion,

Illuminati

Hey there, O Guy that Illuminati Talks to ---

It's me, Minion Wannabe Bruce. Illuminati is too upset to report in but someone needs to let you know that the shit is gettin' REAL here, y'all! She is dancing up a storm!!! I'm just watchin' and watchin' cuz Illuminati says that's what we DO, but I gotta tell you, dude, it ain't easy!

OhmyThetanGodsSaveMeSaveMeSaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaveMeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbzEjFLkgjc

Also, and I am sorry to be so late with the news, this happened.

Minion Bruce swiped the second picture from the Elderly Guy's camera. It shows the Large Jawed Woman without makeup receiving the news from the hospital about her pregnancy.

Hail to Thee, O Semi-Autonomous Scooper of the Droppings of Thetan Wisdom,

The Large-Jawed Woman has seized control of her Elder Friend's cellular communication device and is beaming out messages.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD6kmIT-1Tc



Your faithful Minion was trapped under the couch during this filming. Nothing in Minion Academy prepared me for this outfit. Nothing. Four of my eyeballs have been permanently impaired. I will be filing for Minion's Compensation Benefits.

Greetings, O Mighty Shovel, from your exhausted but faithful Minion, Illuminati. It's not from the roller skating, although I did get pretty good at it. No, it is from the incessant shrieking of the Large-Jawed Woman. Allow me to explain. For weeks, no months as the Terr--- uh, Californians mark time's passage, the Large-Jawed Woman has been deluging the offices of a magazine called Playboy with scantily clad pictures of herself. I regret to say that a few of them were taken recently by her elderly friend with his cellphone, and since I have been beaming you pictures of her myself, well, you see the problem. At first the responses were cordial: "This is not suitable for our magazine, have you considered sending them to Fun With Rocks, which may be suitable for the kind of fetish you display in the picture" or "This is not suitable for our magazine, as we have pretty much exhausted the 'lay on a pier with an arched back and photoshopped bazongas, but you may want to consider Fisherman's Monthly or Field and Stream. Also, we are not sure that 'hating people in Texas' constitutes a 'pet peeve' that will speak to many of our readers. Thank you for the submission, though." Unfortunately, as I said, the Large-Jawed Woman persisted in her efforts to get in the 'centerfold', as the magazine calls it, and sent along a number of recent pictures of herself. Without clothing. And what happened? Last week Playboy announced it was ceasing the use of unclad female photos. Which seems a bit extreme, but I suppose they were desperate, because no matter what they said, the Large-Jawed Woman kept sending pictures!!! Despite emails with references to her "sag factor", "lack of cougar appeal", "lack of appeal, period" and "please stop or Hugh swears to God he will get a warrant", the Large-Jawed Woman would not cease and desist. I guess they felt they had no other choice over at the magazine.