This communication is from Theta to Illuminati, unworthy Minion of the Grand Shovel of the Overlords.

Your cover is in danger of being compromised, O Speck on the Windshield of Theta! We suggest the addition of pants to allow you to blend in.



There. You look adorable.

Now, back to work.

Forgive your unworthy minion for not taking a better representation, but it is the best I can do from my position relative to the Large-Jawed Woman. Remember, O Richard Avedon to the Scavullos of the Outer Rings, the Large-Jawed Woman is a model and towers over not only unworthy minions such as me, but most Terrans of her own species.

She is taking what the Terrans refer to as "selfies", O Tooth Decay of the Smiles of Theta! Honestly, this has been a bad day all around. There has been a lot of consumption of energy food that has been "cooked up" in the kitchen, and the result is a truly manic series of behaviors. The oddest has been her response to the children and Main Squeeze who are also domiciled here at the base camp. When they try and talk to the Large-Jawed Woman she stares straight through them and says "I am not here." It's a little confusing for everyone.

Minion Bruce and minions-in-training Chad and Brad (they're twins! Bruce picked them up hitchhiking last week outside of Santa Cruz, and he has high hopes for their minionhood) have invited me to celebrate the Terran feast of giving gratitude to their deity. I am supposed to bring 10 lbs of a Terran cooking substance called "Crisco" to assist them in their festival. Sounds like fun!

Your obedient minion, Illuminati

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI7Ghu1FpnQ

Things are a little rough here at the base camp, O Boy Toy of the Lords of Theta! The Main Squeeze is no longer speaking to the Large-Jawed Woman after they were followed back to the base camp from the courtroom the other day. Two very well-dressed Terran women in a silver Lexus trailed after the Large-Jawed Woman's conveyance. Just before we left I heard one of them say to the other, "Get in the car, sister of my heart, and for God's sake will you put that candle in the back seat?" The Large-Jawed Woman is NOT HAPPY these days, as court appearances are being demanded with alarming frequency, and eviction notices nailed to the front door of the base camp. Meanwhile, the two-headed baby has developed some interesting appearance issues. There is simply no getting past the family resemblance to his mother, but the Main Squeeze is now concerned as to the identity of the father. The Large-Jawed Woman just keeps saying "Oh fer Gawd's sake, I made the whole damn thing up!" but then the imaginary two-headed baby burps fire or brimstone shoots out of its bleepnat and sets its diapers on fire. The Main Squeeze now calls it "Rosemary's Babies" for some reason. Your faithful minion, Illuminati

Greetings from your Faithful Illuminati, O Grand Shovel, Offspring of the Powers of Theta and a darn nice Dark Overlord to boot! This is just a brief message, O Master of the Double Jeopardy Question Posed by the Trebek! We are leaving for the dock in order that the Large-Jawed Woman may have a period in which a paid human places his hands all over her epidermal region and kneads it like dimpled, white dough. This occurs on a large transportation device. And you know what happened the last time when the kneader asked her to lay on her right side, Your Fabulousness!